Stress and Stressibility - Lara

I wasn't all that surprised when Kerry was accepted to the University of Edinburgh. I always knew he was a genius: that’s why I married him. Still, I was surprised that it was finally happening. It had always felt like Kerry wasn't accepted into the schools because of some divine timing in which everything would work out smoothly and peacefully. It only took me a couple of days to realize that this wasn't going to be easy. It was a dream come true, don't get me wrong, but the realization that we were going to have to pay for it caused a series of panic attacks. After a day or two pacing the house as a list of all that needed to be done hit me in waves churning in my head. I finally sat down to do what I always do: make a "to do" list. Even that was unsatisfactory, so I divided the list by month. The summary for the list is this: May - sell EVERYTHING and raise $13000 dollars for Visas, June - Find a Job and a furnished Apartment in Edinburgh, July - Apply for Visa, August - Sell car and buy plane tickets. Also floating between months was getting the dog micro-chipped and blood tested so she can go to the UK, find a home for the cats, sell/rent the house, move out of house, put stuff in storage (what we are keeping for sentimental reasons), and pay for all the fees without dipping into the $13000.

At first I thought we only needed $8000, but that is only for Kerry to go by himself. It might as well have been a million dollars because we didn't have it, and no matter what ideas I can up with, we still couldn’t get it. I prayed about it of course, but I ran myself ragged the whole week ending April and the first week of May and we were only able to get a thousand dollars which we then used to settle our last bad debt from our previous college experience that all of a sudden decided to call. The thing is that it was the right thing to do to be current and right with everyone when we want God to bless us, but I was very discouraged. With all my abilities and all that I tried to do, a thousand dollars was still nothing compared to what we needed.

I have finally come to the conclusion (maybe a little late) that this wasn't about us earning something or deserving something. This was about God from the very beginning. Without Him we can't go. That's it, end of story. With God all things are possible. I remember reading about George Muller who had to trust God every day to provide for him and a house full of orphans. God always came through. I really don't know what tomorrow looks like at all and this has been the scariest thing we have ever attempted to do, but I know that God is leading us and that is enough. I am going to keep going and let God do His thing. If he wants, we could sell everything and end up staying in Tyler, but I just don't see that happening. I know God too well. He is up to something and we are along just show how cool He is when he does it.